A fear like no other

Every person has his/her experience of stage fear. Its like the worst form of torture you can make anyone go through. And I am no exception. In fact I used to go in a trauma mode when asked to speak in front of a crowd. This one time when I was asked to speak in front of the class at the age of 10, I had a near nervous breakdown. And such was the enormity of that experience that even after 10yrs, I remember it clearly as if it had happened yesterday only.

It was a bright sunny afternoon and sun rays were passing through the windowpane and reaching the floor. It was my turn to speak on the topic. I stood up from my seat and moved towards the stage. This was the moment I had been dreading since the past 1 week. I stepped on the stage and faced the others. As I raised my face upwards to look at them, terror struck me at what I saw. Fifty pairs of eyes, and all staring at me. Never before in my life, had so many people looked at me and all at once. It was as if a separation had been made. Me on one side and they on the other. There seemed to be a divide, a sort of barrier between us. And I, so desperately wanted to go back in the crowd, never to be singled out. As I stood there, I wanted to hide myself, to run away from that place and never look behind. And suddenly I started feeling heavy, very heavy. My legs were beginning to tremble, unable to handle my ow weight. I tried to speak but my voice was too feeble, as if someone was choking me. By this time I was having difficulty even breathing. Air seemed scarce and my forehead was covered with sweat. And then my vision began to diminish. Bit by bit, everything before me started getting darker and darker. It felt chilling despite the April heat. And I collapsed 'on stage', right there and then in front of everybody.

I don't know what happened after that but when I opened my eyes I was lying on a bed in the medical room of our school and the nurse looking right at me and then turning towards my teacher and saying, "he's alright. Just a bit of weakness, will be fine in an hour or so". That night at home I couldn't sleep properly and woke up in the middle by a nightmare.

Actually sometimes we get paralyzed by our fears and let it take control of us. We start living with that fear all through our life. And that is just what I did. All through my school life I lived a fearful life. Never trying to combat my fear and always running away from it. Never had the courage to face it again. Afraid that a similar thing would happen.

But like any other bollywood movie, this story too has a happy ending. The protagonist does overcome his fear and in style. In the end, all seems well. How he did it? That's another story whose script has not yet been written.